July, July

I am less interesting than I used to be. I wish I had things to say! Hmm.

That girl that I was going to move in with but then didn't? She got that job in Vermont. Good call, Mea.

I have officially applied to a pre-medical post-baccalaureate program here at the UC Extension. I don't really believe I won't get in, but the fact that I needed all my transcripts, three letters of recommendation and a statement of intent is a little bit intimidating. I think I'm a good candidate and everything, but it seems like an awful lot of stuff just for a certificate. Not even a degree!

(And on top of it, there's the whole "what if I don't like it?!")

Summer is okay so far. I am not any more in shape. My eating habits are marginally better, if only because of the availability of more interesting fruit than just apples and oranges. I moved too (obv), so there are more interesting things in my area. I also walk to work now, which is awesome. I feel like I'm rilly rilly exercising! I wonder if this will start to make a visible difference to my girlish figure soon. Or maybe this is just what my body is going to look like now that I've passed the quarter-century mark, I'm not a kid anymore, my metabolism she slows, I have a desk job where I sit for hours every day and move my little fingers over the little keys instead of being more active and getting out every 90 minutes...

I sound more disgruntled than I actually am. Truth be told, I'm feeling pretty good lately. Tired, maybe, but who isn't. Everyone is tired, everyone is busy, everyone is stressed out, and I am nothing new to this world.

You know what I want to do? I want to bring something new. Talk about new things and think about new things and not be saying the same thing all the time. I want to be positive and interestED and I want to be good to talk to and I want to have great conversations with people and learn stuff from them and just be much more alive than I feel that I am right now. I want to talk about movies and music and literature and plant life and cooking and things that I feel (but not just annoyance, which is all too common) and things that I learned and places that I've been and will visit...

I promise I will not all of a sudden begin to abuse the ellipsis. I know I did it twice here, but both times made sense, and I just - okay, it won't happen again.

steam out of my ears

I just got an email here at work that says:

"The following student seems to be having difficulty with his cardkey access: [student name] Apparently, his card key access has not been working for over a week. Any ideas?"

What is wrong with people? There is another way to tell me what you're really thinking. Let's try this one on for size:

"Hi Mea. [student] has informed me that his card key access is still not working. Would you like me to send his information again?"

Not so hard. One thing I have learned from being here (and I have not been here as long as the person who sent me the original email) is that email diplomacy is imperative, and the best way to get an idea across to someone is to not be accusing or passive-aggressive. Whenever you are impatient with someone, if they're not moving things along fast enough, you can't be like WTF IS WRONG. You have to suggest that perhaps there was something you didn't do right, even though you know you got all the information correct, sent it on time, everything. Whatever the reason was that your email recipient did not process your order fast enough, if you have any hint of an accusing tone in your email, prepare for your task to not get done, or done poorly, or your future requested tasks to be put on the back burner.

Not to mention that the "over a week" that it has taken for the cardkey access to get activated has really only been two business days since I contacted that person's coworker to get more information about the initial request. And guess what? It sometimes takes a little bit of time for things to happen.

The Whole Shebang

I split up the whole story into nine parts, but if you don't want to read from the bottom up, here are links to the "chapters:"

Part One || Part Two || Part Three

Part Four || Part Five || Part Six

Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine

Part Nine: A Ray of Light (ever after?)

Bryan and I sat around waiting for N to show up to view the apartment. I was sitting by the window, and saw a girl standing outside, who said something to someone, or into the phone, about how she thought this might be the place. I waited, but she didn't call me. She was still talking, so I thought she might be finishing her phone call. But after a while I saw her sitting on the curb, as though waiting for someone. It then occurred to me that I might not have given her my phone number! I went outside, and sure enough, it was N.

I led her and her sister in, and gave them the same tour that I'd been given once and had given three times. But this time there was an ease to it, something about the way that N and her sister were taking it in, admiring the hardwood floors, the light, the neighborhood and the space that made it so much nicer. N professed that she was interested in the smaller room, and we talked about the light switches and the garbage disposal, and about how we'd organize the chores and how we would pay the rent. We chatted a little bit about being from the Valley and her sister and Bryan joined the conversation about living in this area.

I handed her the application and told her that I still thought we sounded like we were pretty domestically compatible, and that I was looking forward to living with her. She asked if I was showing the apartment to anyone else, noting the extra application. I said that she was the last, and the last one was just an extra and not intimidation tactics (even though it was). Then N and her sister left, and I enthusiastically pumped the air.

So it is now Tuesday, and N and I have signed the lease each, N has paid the first month's rent and the deposit, and I'm getting the keys on Thursday and doing the walk-through to make sure everything is in passable condition for moving in. I start moving stuff in this weekend, and I expect to be living there by Sunday. N(ancy) moves in August 1 or 3 or something like that.

As far as my old place is concerned, my ^#*$% sink is getting fixed on Thursday, and I'm going to do the walk-through next Monday.

It's happening! I'm set! All is in good shape! Hallelujah!

Part Eight: EUGH (the next day)

After being both heartened and disheartened by the apartment viewings the day before, I soldiered on that Saturday to show the place to J and N. J had a cat, which was a big point in her favor, but I had sought N out on Craigslist and she sounded like her lifestyle would match well with mine.

CT1 had correctly arranged for everything to be in order that day, and had cleaned the apartment up some more, plus he took the dogs out for a couple of hours so that I would have to worry about them. Bryan came with me this time, to help me weigh in on what I considered to be the strongest candidates. Then J called me, and I went outside to let her in.

She breezed in, eyebrows too-tweezed, pen and notebook in hand. She completely took over, and started talking about how her furniture would fit in the living room. "I have two couches which are really, really awesome, but they're pretty big. I don't know if they'd fit in here. Oh, maybe one of them would." She would ask me about the neighborhood, about transportation, and then scribble furiously in her notebook as I answered her questions.

I then showed her the smaller bedroom, which she merely glanced at before proclaiming, "Oh, yeah, I could never live in a space this small." I was a bit miffed (that's my apartment you're dissing!), but then I led her to the bigger bedroom. She looked around and marveled at how much stuff was in that room and wow, it was sure bigger. In the corner was a shelving unit with built-in hanger rod that the CTs had said they could leave behind if I wanted it. I told J this, and she said, "Well, judging by the size of the closets, I'd say they should stay." FINE.

I led her back to the living room to wrap up the viewing and she said, "Great, well, I'll be making my decision by next week!" I then straightened up and calmly countered the audacious remark with, "Okay, well, here's the application which you can submit to the landlady, and there is her contact information. I will be making my decision by the end of the week. Thanks!" I showed her out and then proceeded to complain about how much I didn't like her.

Part Seven: A New World of Weird (early-mid June)

Then came getting the word out for the roommate. Doubtless, you all saw my ad on Facebook, but I also put one on Craigslist and the paid campus housing site. I got three referrals from friends, none of which came to anything. I had between 6 and 9 people interested at any given time, and sought out ads on the "rooms wanted" section of Craigslist. I found six promising people, but two of them had found a place by the time the showing date rolled around. I wanted to live with a female, and I preferred that they be closer to my age, but I considered one undergrad who sounded somewhat interesting.

It was a massive pain in the neck to coordinate my availability (my full-time work schedule) with that of the final four interested parties (some of whom were visiting from out of town and only had a few free hours that weekend, most of whom were off for the summer and kept suggesting times in the middle of the day) and the CTs (who were all uniquely busy and who had the dogs to manage, plus staying out of the way for the apartment viewings). It was a circus. Miraculously, we nailed down two time blocks. On that Friday, I would show the place to D and M, and on Saturday, J and N would see it.

Friday rolls around, and I hurry to the apartment right after work. I print out one extra application, just in case I need it, and so that even the last person to see the place will know that there are other people interested. I had arranged with the CTs for the key to the apartment to be left under the rug, although, once I got there, there was nothing there. I tried the doorknob, and it was locked. Then the dogs started barking. The CTs had left their dogs there?! And I couldn't get in?!

At that point, D comes up, as I'm standing outside trying to get CT1 on the phone. There's an awkward "Are you D?" "Yeah, are you Mea?" "Yeah." "Hi." "Hi." as I'm waiting for this guy to pick up the phone. Eventually he calls me back to apologize profusely, he forgot to leave the key, he'll be right back. So D and I are standing around, and I'm sort of sweating from walking so briskly and sort of stressed out about this whole situation. She was nice, as was her boyfriend who accompanied her, and we chatted about our future plans and what we do for fun.

CT1 then comes up, apologizes again, and leads us inside the apartment, which is incredibly filthy. The dogs were very sweet, but their toys and beds were all over the place, and there's just junk everywhere. I'm trying to show the place around, and CT1 was pretty helpful, but it was definitely awkward. I liked D, and she was interested, so I handed her the application, and CT1 left to take his friend home. I stood around and waited for the next person, M, to come while I acquainted myself with the amenities.

M then called me to tell me she was outside the apartment. She had addressed me as "Miss Mea" when she sent her first email of inquiry and I had thought that was weird, but wondered if she was being funny. When I answered the phone, she said, "Miss Mea?" and I knew that she was weird. She was the undergrad, and I was pretty certain that I wasn't going to consider her. But I showed her around anyway, and she sheepishly admitted to preferring the larger bedroom, as she had too much stuff for the small one. She didn't touch anything, didn't ask any questions, and only told me what I pointedly asked her about. After finishing the tour, which took about 3 minutes, she said she'd have to ask her parents, who were "financing" her, if she could apply for the place. She said she'd get back to me by Monday, and I handed her an application and showed her out.

Part Six: Unbelievable Weirdness (early June)

I got the money together, got my mom to cosign, signed the lease, and then arranged with the current tenants (CTs) to drop the lease/deposit off at the apartment. I called CT1 and we agreed that I should come by that Saturday, sometime around noon. CT1 said that I should call before I got there to remind them, or something.

That morning, I called at about 11:45, and figured I'd give them about a 10 minute warning. CT1 said that he wasn't home, but his roommate was, so CT2 would answer the door and get the stuff from me. Great. So I get there, and knock on the door. There are dogs barking and barking, and I was a little alarmed. I didn't know there were any dogs there! Nobody answered the door, so I knocked a little louder, a little harder, still no answer.

I went back outside to call CT1, and I saw that he had left a message. In it, he said that his silly roommate was asleep, so I should either slip the lease/deposit under the door, or call him and he'd come by as he was only about 10 minutes away. The door has a nice weather seal, so I couldn't really shove more than one sheet under there, plus I had a check for over a thousand dollars there and was not comfortable in leaving something on the floor of an apartment with dogs. So I called CT1.

He said that the door was unlocked, so I should just open it, and leave the stuff on the floor. I was a little baffled, but didn't let on that I thought it was weird, so I went back and gingerly opened the door. There was a large chocolate lab and a small Jack Russell terrier looking at me comically and expectantly. Still not comfortable in leaving something so important on the floor, I opened the door a little wider and looked for the nearest piece of furniture to leave the lease/deposit. As I leaned into the apartment, I saw a couple of bleary heads rise up out of some sleeping bags on the living room floor as they stared at me, uncomprehending. I hastily set down the lease/deposit on a table, said I was sorry, and shut the door behind me.

Part Five: A New Hope (the same day)

I sat and talked to Bryan that night, trying to figure out what to do. Between crying jags and minor panic attacks, the crazy idea crossed my mind that I could keep the apartment, put forward the whole deposit and prorated June rent myself, and then try to find a roommate by July 1. It sounded kind of unrealistic at first, and then I ran it through my head a few more times, and decided that it didn't sound so crazy after all. Bryan said that if the landlady agreed to it, I might be able to do it. We'd send the word out to everyone we knew in the bay area, and by gum, we'd find me a roommate.

So I asked the landlady if she'd consider such an option and my reasoning for not continuing on with L on the lease, and she agreed that it was clear thinking, and she fully supported this idea. I'd find people interested, then have them apply, as I did, with the landlady, and if she approved, we were in business.

Part Four: The Crappening (early June)

Then we get the lease, we sign it, we arrange for move-in procedures and L drops a bomb. She has a job interview for a job in Vermont. It would be the next Friday, and she wanted to let me know that if she was offered the job THAT DAY and they wanted her to start on the following Monday, she'd do it. She was miserable in her job, and has been applying for months, and just really wanted to leave.

I was really torn. I called my mom, who said I should just drop her. I felt horrible, but I didn't want to lose the apartment. I talked to lots of friends to figure out what to do, but had just no idea. I moped and cried all evening, and left L a message to figure out what we should do. She finally called me hours later, and had more devastating information to impart to me.

Apparently, she had applied for the job the previous week. (If you're keeping track, this is WHILE we were looking for apartments.) She was so desperate to get out of her job, that she was applying for any job that she could find, in state or not. That of course included jobs in California, in the bay area, on campus! But, you know, jobs in Vermont too. I was incredibly upset, as I fully think I should have been at least informed at the time that she applied that she was doing so, so that I'd at least have the option to back out if I didn't want to take the risk of losing her as a roommate at any time. I figured it was not enough of a guarantee to rely on the unlikelihood of her getting the job, so I emailed her the next day to say that I was not interested in going forward.

Part Three: Return of the Jedi (late May, early June)

L and I resume Craigslisting, and we sign up for the paid apartment listings for the campus only. We get some solid leads, and yet the two of us are so insanely busy that we only see one place together, and the rest of the time, we see the places separately and take pictures for each other. (Rather, I took pictures for her, and she described to me.) We get some pretty promising leads, and I'm optimistic for the future. I'm trying to picture my life with her, and thinking about the time I'd have to spend at home, trying to find a way for her to meet my boyfriend so that she'd be comfortable with him staying over sometimes, etc. Plans, you know?

The last weekend in May, she was totally busy, and so I saw three apartments on my own. I really, really liked two of them, and pressed her to check out the photos and fill out the application and send her credit report information and stuff. She was a little hesitant, and I was anxious to secure one of these apartments, but mostly the one on Josephine Street. I loved it! We were lined up to be the first ones to take it, but we had to make sure that the move-in date worked for the current tenants (the CTs), who were hoping to have us take over the end of their lease so they could get out of it early. We settled on June 24, and I frantically emailed the CTs, L, and the landlady to make sure that everything was okay with everyone, and overlapping rent wouldn't be too big a deal for anyone. L was okay, the CTs were okay, IT WAS ALL SQUARED AWAY!

Part Two: The Reckoning (early-mid May)

I was back to looking for a place on my own. I didn't really want to think about finding another roommate, as I was kind of tired of looking and wanted things to be simple. I found a TINY TINY TINY little basement studio for $550/month that was within walking distance to campus, and had basically what I needed for a simple, quiet life. My only qualms were that there was only a tiny beverage fridge, no freezer, and a giant futon that had to stay. There was also a lot of competition for this place, and I waited to hear from this place, thinking about backup options. Checked out other places that I just didn't like as much.

L and I started chatting during this time, and I asked her how the apartment hunt was going. As though waiting for me to ask, he exploded into a rant about how passive aggressive and difficult the two grad guys were being, and how they were bad with communicating what they wanted, and had totally unrealistic expectations for what kind of place they expected to get for how much they were willing to pay. She said, "I don't think it's going to work out with them. I know you probably find me as unreliable as I'm finding them right now, but would you reconsider living with me?"

I said that, yes, I would reconsider it, and if I didn't get that tiny little studio, then we'd look together again. I did, after all, not want to live alone, and we'd had a good and friendly beer together, and I could forgive her for having spread herself a little thin and for incorrectly gauging the other two guys' feelings about the housing arrangement.

I didn't get the tiny studio.

Mooovin' on up!!

Okay, seriously. This is the main thing on my mind lately, other than layoffs. And this is relatively much more pleasant, so I'd rather think about moving than the possibility that I will become unemployed in the near future. Onward!

Now that everything is set and I can't jinx myself, I'll tell the whole story. It's a good one!

Part One: The Beginning (April-ish)

I was looking for housing with this girl named L. I knew her through a knitting group buddy, someone I like very much, and whose good word I take to heart. L had overheard me complaining about what a pain in the ass it is to find a place to live on my own, and how corrupt landlords are, etc. She perked up and said that she was trying to find a roommate/housing situation because her boyfriend of ~2 years was moving to Boston for a postdoc program and she didn't want to live alone. There was a possibility that she might move to Boston, but there was also a possibility that they'd break up, since their relationship was a little rocky. At the very earliest, she'd leave in December, and she'd find a replacement roommate for me, with my approval, of course.

She had said there was a possibility that these other two guys, grad students, would live with us and we would maybe look for a house with 4 bedrooms. I was pretty excited about this possibility because I don't want to live alone anymore, and I sort of knew L and liked her reasonably well. We Craigslisted furiously, looking at places for 2 and 4 people, and sort of tacitly agreed that we'd rather just live together, and find a two-bedroom place and just let the guys fend for themselves.

After we'd found a pretty fabulous place, and I was telling her that I thought we should go forward with it, she was unresponsive for a day or two. I really tried not to let my anxiety take over, as I had no idea what her silence meant. I sent another email to L, and she responded to say that the grad student guys were going to hold her to the promise she made to them, and they'd look for a place for the three of them. They were not interested in living in a house with 4 people, or with someone they didn't know, and weren't interested in meeting me.

Additionally, she had set some rigid expectations for what she was looking for in a roommate and living arrangement: she didn't want to live on a major street; she hoped I'd be home a lot of the time, as she didn't like being alone; etc. She'd thought that it might be difficult for me to fulfill that last one, and to be honest, I was a little relieved that I wouldn't have to make sure that I'd be physically present enough for her.

But I was mostly pretty pissed, although I recovered enough to have a friendly beer with L and put all bad feelings behind us.

Pepto-Bismol burps

I am currently battling a spate of indigestion and general gastronomical unrest, so I just downed a shot of generic Pepto Bismol. FOUL. Mylanta might be ever so slightly more palatable, but I think I'd rather avoid both altogether by not eating three spicy Thai dishes a little too late at night right before sleeping. It was delicious, but my stomach she is not happy.

My thoughts are very disconnected today. I just don't really feel like thinking about work. The news is not good. Doubtless, you all know about the terrible state of the national and California economy, and needless to say, this is becoming more apparent in my job. Less money, here I come.

In other news, the women's bathroom is just becoming appalling. Now, for some reason, there is always stuff in one of the stalls, like whoever uses it cannot be bothered to flush. I know the flush works, because I use that one sometimes, and it's fine for me. Also, someone has ripped the hook off of every door, so there's nowhere to hang your bag. Blech floor ew.

There's a kid running around in here. Weirds me out when this happens. God, I am so unproductive today.

Oh, there's also a guy here who used to work here. Turns out the kid is his grandson. Nice kid. Speaks very well. Asked me what a "public area" is. Is excited by a flier for the play "Wicked" and can't wait for the next Transformers movie.

Ugh, this day can't end too soon. Oh, my boss's ceiling caved in yesterday afternoon. Photos to come!

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS!

Oh my GOD you guys I might have a roommate! The relief! The release! I cannot even BEGIN to tell you! I could just fly away! I don't want to jinx anything, but I really, really think it's going to work out!

More details to come as I get some kind of definitive certainty and papers are signed, etc!

happy place

Did some reminiscing last night, and came upon one of my favorite moments from Six Feet Under, which I still love and might one day watch all over again from the first episode. Maybe this time it won't take me 3 years to get through it all.

Anyway, one of my favorite moments:

let me tell you

Last week was a roller coaster. I felt such euphoric joys at some times, and such low, miserable disappointments at others. If there's anything I can say for the whole of that experience, it's that I'm clearly in a much better place now than I was earlier this year or in years past, because I'm really okay now.

There's a long version, and a short version. Sort of like the "Good Idea, Bad Idea" spots on Animaniacs with that skeleton guy, my week was a series of "Good News, Bad News." Every good thing that happened would be immediately paired with something that just crushed me. I'll give you the short version.



I have an apartment, I'm looking for a roommate. Most of you know this because of my (unfortunately fruitless) Facebook ad, but I got some responses from Craigslist, and I'm showing the place on Saturday. This causes me amazing amounts of stress and anxiety. I can hardly believe it, I feel so choked. I have a clear frontrunner, and I really hope she wants to live in my place because I would like to stop arranging my future living situation. I've been looking for an apartment/roommate since March, and at every turn, I seem to be faced with yet another thing to work out. So hopefully this will be the last thing, and then I can just focus on packing and actually moving.

SO TIRED OF THIS.

In better news, I think I have almost all the information I need to proceed for the next couple of years. I think and hope. Sometimes my job provides me with unique, tangible benefits.